Vulnerability and Comfort, speaking our Truth?

Vulnerability and Comfort, speaking our Truth?

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Hmmm, vulnerability and comfort? What work do we have to do to be in that space?

vulnerability and comfort

Today I listened to a friend tell me about a crisis he is going through. I heard his faltering voice and wondered how hard it was for him to share this painful story. Was his vulnerability and comfort speaking all of our truths?

You know that sensation of wanting to share something, but not sure if we are comfortable enough to deal with how others will perceive it? And what if we are disappointed or worse yet, hurt by the reaction of the other person?

Then I realized it was not just that he had to find the courage to share it. He also had to be willing to risk showing his sense of vulnerability and comfort  with his sense of self.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Before telling me,  is that how he felt? Did he wonder how I would see the story? Was he concerned that I might judge him, or worse yet, try to fix him? Or give my opinion?

Ahh, did I navigate this gift of a story in compassion and grace?

Did my friend feel me loving him?

That led me down a path that was not quite the yellow brick road. Instead, I realized how fragile our truths are about ourselves. (Maybe that is the yellow brick road?)

 

 

 

 

 

 

My head started spinning. I know this story. I know what it feels like to be so achingly vulnerable we would rather hide. In my days of darkness with my neurological illness, when I could not even go the bathroom alone, I was so full of shame.

I felt so vulnerably exposed to my sense of betrayal of my body and capabilities. And so I lived in a heightened sense of vulnerability that did not include comfort.

I had to come to grips with my shadows. My perception is that the world saw me as an incapable, non -productive invalid. I could easily accept that as defacto, because after all our society’s interpretation is the benchmark.

But is it really?
Is my worthiness determined by what society deems worthy?
Or is my self knowing determined by me?

I learned that I could not share what was going on in my head until I was at a place that I no longer needed external approval. Honestly, that was really hard to get there. Getting to a place where it no longer mattered what or how the world saw me was a process in vulnerability. and comfort.

Vulnerability, as Brene Brown says, is really courage.( If you have not seen her TED talk on vulnerability, take a moment and watch it.)

I know that is true. Like my friend, willing to show his vulnerability to me, he had to trust his own sense of courage. His willingness to love himself so hard that no matter how I reacted, he could still walk in his truth. Wow, that is really hard. Especially since we are taught early on to be aware of societal determination of right and wrongs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Slowly, I had to get the process of knowing that being ill was not something done to me. It was just another way to learn internal loving. The problem is though, that if we do not do our work, we are left in the lurch and clutches of fear.

So to everyone out there who struggles with not feeling like we fit the appropriate mold, I think it’s probably a moment of celebration.

Yes. I did say celebration.

Who wants to be a part of something that fosters shame and self-doubt? We do not have to be anything other than living in our vulnerability..and that belongs only to ourselves.

Until we can come to accepting and loving all the parts of ourselves there can be no healing. So is our truth worth living and striving for no matter the reaction of another?

We can only answer that for ourselves.

 

 

 

 

 

Or as Matt Kahn says, whenever anyone wants to tell you something about yourself. Just say no! It’s their opinion and has nothing to do with you. So to shine your vulnerability and comfort is truly just stepping into that space of self.

How are you dealing with your own sense of vulnerability? Is it a struggle?

Please leave your thoughts and comments below.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me.

Founder of success-full-living.com, living heart-centric love moment to moment

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6 thoughts on “Vulnerability and Comfort, speaking our Truth?

  1. What lovely sharing, Ariel. Like your friend, you spoke from your heart, as you do so often on this blog. I so enjoy visiting and delighting in your posts!
    Shame can be such an insidious destroyer of confidence and even ability to grow, become and contribute in the world around us.
    I appreciate your counsel to look to our own self-awareness and love, not to the perceptions or approval of others.
    Thanks.
    Annie

    1. Hello Annie, so many thanks for your insight and thoughtful comment. I so agree about shame. And to me its a learned trait that we can unlearn. It does not belong to us. It belongs to the externalized version of society’s labeling. I am grateful you stopped by. In peace and gratitude, ariel

  2. Great article, Ariel. Yes, vulnerabilty – our ‘undressing of self’ perhaps? Yes, it is a big step but one we sometimes have to talk just to be able to release ourselves emotionally. Sometimes ‘it’ can get too much and overwhelm is not a good place to be – plus it does not help our blood pressure. Yes, talking out things with someone you can trust and respect, will surely make the ‘load easier to bear’.
    It is good when you have such a friend and you realize the importance of fellowship.
    Namaste
    Michelle

    1. Hello Michelle, thank you so much for your insightful and thoughtful comment. Ahh vulnerability and comfort, it is indeed a balance. And I am always grateful when we have that chance to be in friendship and comfort with another that allows us to be fully vulnerable. Knowing we are loved and safe. In peace and gratitude, ariel

  3. Self-doubt, lack of self-confidence was always my weakness. When walking among my peers, I put up a strong front but struggling deep inside. I know I shouldn’t be bothered by how people judge me. It is hard but gets better as I move along – older and wiser I am. It is ok to be vulnerable. We need to be comfortable with who we are in order to live happily. Thanks for sharing your story, Ariel. Always enjoy the read.

    1. Hello Sharon, So happy to be able to chat with you. That is so true that we do allow ourselves at times to stay hidden. I know its when we are finally in sync with ourselves that we are able to walk in more freedom. And we are not the opinions of others, are we? I know you are walking strong. In peace and gratitude, ariel

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