This is such an important topic. I have learned both as mother and as a woman that when we choose to have our world solely centered on our loved ones, we are not taking the time to nourish and heal ourselves.
That is not to say that we do not give our love completely to the ones we love, on the contrary that is probably our hearts direction. But rather that when we choose to see ourselves only as how they react to us, we lose the capacity to go inside and feed ourselves.
And that leads to a place of depletion and not getting what we need ourselves to live a healthy full life.
What do you do to insure that you are making sure to replenish and fill yourself up? And what does it feel like to you when that does not happen?
Have you found that when you are so consumed with something it does not leave time for anything else or giving yourself the love you need?
And it becomes more that just self care. It becomes self love. That sense of loving ourselves into healthy habits and feeding ourselves from the inside out, not the outside in.
When we are asking everyone around us to give more or we are giving away our power to others, we end up being depleted.
So here is some food for thought as to what choices we are making to fill up our hearts.
This is a contributed affiliate post. That also means that Ariel did not write the entire post. Hope you enjoy it!
You’ve probably heard the saying about how you can’t expect anyone else to love you until you first love yourself.
That is the understatement of the year. If I do not seem myself as worthy of being loved, I cannot possibly be a healthy lover for another person.Because I would then make choices that are dependent on the others happiness rather that what is loving to me.
And I am sure I am not alone in saying we have all done that before. And especially growing up in an externalized world that tries to tell us how we need to look, think and act!
Rather than listening to that sacred internal voice that tells us what is more healthy and loving to feed our own hearts. Plus when we are not loving to ourselves, ultimately it means we will not be loving to the other. Whew! Not fun!
Similarly, if you’ve been on an airplane before, you’ll have noticed how the cabin crew always recommend putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others; even your children.
This notion of self love and taking care of yourself first is echoed throughout many important life situations, yet, somehow we often seem to forget the need to fill ourselves up first.
Indeed, a lot of times within a romantic relationship, we have an undue expectation that it is our partner’s job to fill us up, make us happy, and feel content. This tends to lead to emotional catastrophe and often ends up in relationship breakdowns.
There is a line in Kahlil Gibran’s Prophet where he talks about relationships. Are you familiar with this? In in he says:
But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Kahlil Gibran
John Gray, author of “Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus” talks about the importance of filling ourselves up with so much self love that we are overflowing with love, and showering our partner with this love from a place of mutual abundance.
Tony Robbins talks about how if we all were to approach relationships as a place to give rather than as a place to get, we would all be an awful lot happier.
I think this is also an interesting concept. Because so many of us have been brought up with that we can only give, not receive. And that leads to depletion and resentment.
When we learn how to truly give without needing anything back that leaves us free to truly love. And sometimes we do need to receive that is the part that fulfills the giving. When we allow and realize that receiving is also an act of love. Because we allow the other to fulfill their sense of giving.
Love and doubt have never been on speaking terms. Kahlil Gibran
Yet because so many people don’t take the time to fill themselves up first with self-love, they are all operating from a lack mentality when it comes to giving and receiving love rather than one of abundance.
Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. Kahlil Gibran
Here are three tips to help you fill yourself up from the inside out rather than the outside in.
- STOP TRYING TO FILL THE VOID
It’s very easy to chase after things, or people, in order to fill the void within – be that a relationship or a fancy car to drive, but the best way to fill this void is to look for genuinely nourishing ways to fill your life with a sense of purpose and meaning rather than being dependent on a particular aspect of your life.
- STOP DOING THAT WHICH HURTS YOU
Think of the metaphor of having back pain; there’s normally a trigger that causes this pain – and as humans we are reactive beings. We tend to “act out” when triggered and our coping mechanisms take over the show!
Rehab clinics are full of people who have been consumed by their coping mechanisms, and almost always, our coping mechanisms don’t serve us or the greater good.
You want to replace any destructive coping mechanisms with something more nourishing.
As an example if you are addicted to a relationship or being physically intimate with someone, starting yoga and connecting with yourself, or even taking up martial arts would be a more nourishing replacement that gives you what you really need.
Rather than a quick fix of temporary distraction.
- GET RID OF NEGATIVE PEOPLE
We all have toxic people in our lives, it’s just a natural part of life, but there is scientific research that demonstrates how energy is contagious in that it rubs off on you .
If you’re around negative people you will become negative yourself. The same applies for positive and nourishing people of course.
Here is our journey, to give, to love, to be. In ways that allow us to be healthy and live in our own truth. When we are dependent on the other for love, it might feel good for a bit, but slowly we are brought to a space where we realize we have not given the love to ourselves, we are just expecting instead others to give it.
So how you we love ourselves in ways that bring us more love, peace and joy? And utter freedom from externalized need? I want to hear please!
In peace and gratitude,