You know the days when you just don’t feel like you are being heard? Those days when nothing seems to be in a state of give or flow?
I was realizing this when I felt my energy seem to really shift and take a bit of a spiral. So, as my usual go to, I called a friend and said would you just listen to me for a moment?
And the conversation went something like this. I am feeling frustrated because I feel like I am not getting my message across or truly being heard. In fact the more I try to explain my stance, the harder it gets to be heard.
I feel somewhat like I have landed in muck.
And the reply from my friend was, what did you want from the other person? And why did you think you needed to defend or justify yourself?
SEEKING VALIDATION OUTSIDE OF OURSELVES
It hit me like a thunderbolt. We are such community creatures that we are always seeking validation. We want to be part of a group and fully accepted.
The problem with seeking validation is that we sometimes think that means justifying our position.
And here is where the catch is. When we try so hard to justify ourselves, we lose our own essence. In turn, we give away our freedom.
Wow! So each time I try to explain, justify or work hard for another to understand me. I am going to feel like I am in muck.
For several reasons! One, we are always assuming that since we are using the same language we are going to be understood.
Nope! My perception and understanding of that same word is not your perception.
It is amazing we understand each other at all. So my expecting that you will hear me as I want you too, is self-defeating.
But we always keep trying don’t we? The longer I try to make you understand what I am saying, the more frustrated we both become. Clear as mud, comes to mind!
The second part of that is when I constantly feel that I have to justify myself, I am ultimately diminishing me. Huh! And that is why my energy sags.
I am giving away my freedom of self, thinking that I owe an explanation.
How often do we do that in our daily lives?
I thought about the questions my friend asked. What am I seeking from the other person that I think I even have to justify myself? Oh yeah, acceptance. Love. Inclusion. Understanding.
But, whoa! Am I not capable of giving that to myself?
Is it worth it if I give away my freedom of thought? There must be another way to connect without it being a sense of loss.
And I have found that when we ask for validation from an external source, we lose our own authenticity. It is as if we have chosen to not give our own sense of value to ourselves.
I think it is indeed a process of acknowledging that when I am in a place of comfort within myself I no longer seek external validation. I am knowing that this moment I am in my own light. My thoughts and core ethics are intact and thriving.
Admiring someone who is so content with their sense of inner knowing, is refreshing and freeing to witness.
It also feels like when we are not seeking that external validation, we are much more likely to listen more. And without judgment.
That is an added bonus!
TAKING BACK OUR FREEDOM
Here is what I am learning:
I do not need validation for my thoughts from another.
I can share my thoughts without needing to defend them.
I can engage in conversation knowing that I am adding value. (If not, stop talking.grin.)
If I find myself trying to defend my thoughts to another, I immediately pull back and ask: is this in my highest good?
TO OUR HIGHEST GOOD
I have been fascinated watching others as they try to “convince” another. And have found myself thinking, I wonder what wars are going on inside that person’s head?
I don’t mean that judgmentally. It is rather an out picturing of times I have made choices that made me so painfully aware I could have chosen better.
You know dear reader, that moment of a bit of red-faced embarrassment? Oh I have sounded like that!
There is great peace in knowing I am consciously choosing to honor and respect myself by being so much more attentive to my motives.
I do not have to convince the world to jump on my train.
I do have to be willing to listen to myself.
When I do that, I do not give away my freedom. But rather shine in my own light.
I wish you great clarity of thought and focus of self.
Looking forward to hearing how you have circumvented the process of connecting with self and external connections, Please comment below.
Thank you so much for being here.
In peace and gratitude,
Founder, success-full-living.com, living one heart-centric moment at a time!