Today I had the most extraordinary sense of Yes I can! You know what I did? I drove a car for the first time in six years…yes, I did. I had forgotten how freeing that sensation of driving is. I found myself rolling down the windows and hollering YES YES YES !
And as if that was not enough, I drove through my beloved mountain winding roads and ended up on a trail leading to the top of a mountain. How can I change my life? One step at a time.
And drum roll, please! I parked the car, saying to myself, Yes I can. And I literally hiked up this rocky path to the top of a mountain!
YES I DID!
Six years in a wheelchair, and I was walking one step at a time to the summit. I was giggling while simultaneously, tears were streaming down my face.
I did this. I did this without someone holding my hand. I did this all by myself. I did this because I knew I could. I believed in me.
My own summit of success. My own summit of changing my world. And it only happened because I did it, step by step by step.
NO DREAM KILLERS ALLOWED
Along the way, there were people who thought I should just live the rest of my life in a nursing home. There were doctors who said I would never walk again. My family was worried. My world was turned upside down.
I realized there was no space for anyone who did not see my process.
And I think this is so true of our lives. Those that choose to see the glass half empty will not be willing to do the step by step approach to change. And I have to honor their choice.
I do not have to welcome them in my life. There is a difference between showing concern and compassion vs nope you cannot do this. Right?
So from my own experience should anyone come into my sphere with the sense of no, I just quietly know deep inside they just haven’t found their ‘yes’ yet. I wish them great discovery.
For me, I am learning that freedom is an inner job. It has no external factors. No matter who is around me. I am not beholden to their beliefs. I can only answer to mine.
So please know, there is always a door with a door knob. Just our choice to turn the knob. And venture deep within.
STEP BY STEP
With each step of change it was a choice that had to be made. Was I willing to even be seen in a wheelchair? Was I willing to be vulnerable and ready to ask for help?
If I answered yes, it meant allowing everything that might come with that choice to be seen as open-ended. No judgments, no boundaries. Argh, that is tough. And quite a process. So then on to next step.
After I spent many years figuring out the ways of riding a wheelchair,(which will be another blog), and had stopped having episodes of losing consciousness, I decided another step was coming. This was getting on public transportation.
Wow, really out in public. Really being seen. Was I ready for this?
Taking a bus in a wheelchair requires many steps for the bus driver. First off, if a wheelchair is going to be boarded, no one else can board until the wheelchair is secured. Talk about feeling obvious!
This is quite a labor intensive process for the bus driver. Here is how it goes.
The bus has to be hydraulically lowered, then the ramp has to be set in motion to meet the sidewalk. The driver has to flip up a row of seats to make room for the wheelchair. Then the person in the chair has to come up the ramp, and travel through the narrow passageway between the hanging down legs of other passengers. (Hoping that no one will be bruised by the passing wheelchair.)
Then using parallel parking techniques, the wheelchair has to be eased and parked into the spot where the seats were turned up. Still, more steps…the driver then has to release the special safety equipment. There are at least 4 safety straps that hook up to the chair. Which means the driver is climbing all over the passenger trying to get the straps secure.
Do you have the picture? It is intimacy without even a smile, lol.
And it is being really, I mean REALLY visible.
And then just when you think people have stopped looking at you, your stop arrives. The driver has to go through this process all over again! Whew! And other riders just have to be patient.
It is indeed a telling process of what our metaphors are.
Kudos to the amazing drivers who did all of this with a smile. I cannot tell you how many times I have thanked them for their kindnesses.
And then my next step. Literally taking a step. Teaching myself how to walk again. Tiny steps that lead to amazing walks. All because I could! The sense of accomplishment has no words. It is a deep well of joy that just lights up and spreads. It is without ego, but with deep courage and vulnerability.
And then this last step, complete physical freedom. Driving and hiking! It only happened because I was able to connect the dots, step by step.
And tomorrow I am boarding a flight to see my grandgifts. And I will be racing with them!
Well maybe not quite racing..
During this process of extreme change, I had one constant. It was my meditation practice. Daily twice a day. I visualized, and confirmed to my inner self that changes were coming. I visualized each step of the way. I felt myself giving my leg muscles strength and surging blood flow.
I saw my spine become my true backbone. I could see my brain growing new neuro-pathways. I knew that each moment in the cellular level there would be a bit of no I don’t want to do this. And so I visualized each cell being given a treat. Grin. It worked,
There was no longer a fight.
So try this with me please:
Get in your comfortable meditation pose. On a chair or the floor.
If you have never chanted, try an OM. It is the primal sound and it resonates on the cellular level. (I know it made a huge difference for my healing.)
Do 7 OMs…hold each one for as long as possible.
Don’t be surprised if you feel a little bit of rush, this is good, your body is being oxygenated.
Rest for a moment after the 7th OM.
Then do 3 deep breaths.
After the breaths, close your eyes and visualize a space that brings you deep comfort. Mine is the forest with a bubbling brook.
See yourself exploring your sweet space. Feel how it invigorates your body. Feel your head getting lighter.
Know that in this space there is only love, healing and possibility.
Repeat this to yourself:
In my sweet space, I am growing, changing and healing.
I am my heart of hearts.
I am whole. I am healthy. I am vibrancy.
I choose life.
Take a breath release slowly and open your eyes.
How do you feel? Calm, capable and open?
For me to change my life also meant that iI needed to start my day in a way that promoted change. This meditation program can do that for you. It’s called Morning Ritual Mastery. Do give it a try. Click here.
When I reached the summit, I caught my breath and took in the gorgeous view. 360 degrees of multiple ridges of mountains and sky. The view is beyond breath taking. And then to my surprise, I heard a gasp, a young man got down on his knee and proposed to his girlfriend.
Could I have possibly even staged this?
I was overcome by the possibility that this moment held. This young couple was starting out on their new journey. Changing their lives at this moment.
And I had also, step by step changed mine. One step in deciding that I could be more than what was expected. One step that lead to another step, that lead to completely changing my world.
Now I am living in an expanse of knowing that freedom is the door with a key. That key leads to letting go of all attachments and expectations. The moment we insert that key in the door, the Universe shows its immenseness and possibility.
What is possible for you today? Which step do you choose?
I want to hear what challenges you have overcome. Please do share your story.
After all, Yes we can, is not just words. It is how we choose to live and change and grow.
In peace and gratitude,
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