DISSONANCE OF SELF, trying to make peace with our choices

DISSONANCE OF SELF, trying to make peace with our choices

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This morning a friend said to me is it possible that we hide in our choices. Hmm, could that be true? Like that whole bag of potato chips that I ate at one sitting, knowing that it would not feel good later ?

Or the idea that we build up defenses so that we do not have to acknowledge the choices we make. Is that not dissonance of self, as we try to make peace with our choices?

Are we living in our head space that asks us to put blinders on? I did not much like that thought. Acknowledging it is even harder.

“Self-perception theory. … In The Theory of Cognitive Dissonance: A Current Perspective (1969), Elliot Aronson linked cognitive dissonance to the self-concept: That mental stress arises when the conflicts among cognitions threatens the person’s positive self-image ” Cognitive dissonance. Wikipedia.

So going by that definition, cognitive dissonance happens when we hold two different beliefs that are in conflict with each other. As an example, I know that coffee makes me crazy, but I love the taste, so I will have only 2 cups today.

And what we are doing here is negating that which we need to really see for our best health, but letting our wants take over.

Ouch, that hurts my head just thinking about it.

In just that minor example, we can easily see how each day, we are constantly faced with putting ourselves into stress and distress.

So what is it like for our psyche to be in conflict?

I started to think of it like a child who is learning how to safely cross the street. Look both ways. And then look again to make sure no cars are coming.

But the child quickly looked saw nothing coming, and sprinted into the street. Only to find that indeed, she missed the car coming around the bend.

Oh no, now what do I do? Keep going across the street or dart back to the curb?

Whatever decision she makes she is still fighting the original premise. By not taking the time to really check the traffic she put herself into stress mode.

Do we do this all day long? Probably. Are we aware of how compromised our thinking then becomes?

Another example might be that a very tired mother has been asked to please yet again help out at school. Her first reaction is, I am so overloaded I just cannot do that. Her second over-riding thought is, but I will let the school down if I don’t do it.

Which do we allow to win out?

Oh dear reader, what are we doing to ourselves?

In choices that we have made in our past, I know there are still remnants of wishing I had a do-over. You know that feeling? And if we got the do over would be authentically true to ourselves?

I always want to think I will choose better. Each time I am faced with choices hoping, that will show the results later. And sometimes, when the later does show up, I am not always a happy camper.

It is in the realization that making choices is specific to not wanting to be in dissonance. Yet do we take the time to define the dissonance so we can safely navigate our hearts?


Change how we see the action.

Change our belief system.

A change of action.


When we decide that we are in harmony with our thoughts we are able to be in a mode of self affirmation. When this occurs there is no dissonance. The stress disappears. And we no longer feel that we have to be defensive or defend our actions or thoughts.

I decide that I am going to stick to it and lose 10 pounds. But right after that determination, I am easily swayed by ice cream. That shows dissonance.

And in some ways I am betraying myself. I am being in a state of disrespect. And then the cycle of beating myself up is again on high mode.

Think about it in terms of how we really show our heart and love. If I make choices to be loving to my family, but immediately I am faced with a less than stellar intercommunication with my teenage daughter, that is my test.

And how I knee-jerk react is not just going to impact her. It will change my status of positive self affirmation. So then dissonance wins again.

After a while of letting ourselves down living in such dissonance, I can only imagine how it impacts our general health.

On the other hand, participating in exchanges that show our higher self engaged in true affirmation can immediately rectify any situation.

Does that make sense?


We are not doomed to always be less than stellar. In fact, I think the joy of living is that it is so very messy. But then again, we are always faced with the ideals of how can I do better.

I have started a new tack. I find myself asking all day long, what do I need to do to serve myself in a way that truly reflects the joy of my heart song.  And I always get an answer.

It might not look exactly as the angelic one that I wanted. It is always the most workable one that is in my highest good. The choice then is mine to hear it and act on it.

When I do, life is much easier. No worries, mahn.

But when I am not consciously aware, I do betray myself.  I no longer want that to be my way of life. If I am willing to be compassionate with everyone else, can I not do that for me?

Yes, we do indeed need to take stock of what our choices are. Living in dissonance is a surefire way to be stressed and possibly not feeling very well.

If we are striving to live in our authentic self would we not do everything we can to promote our own belief system rather than do mortal combat within our psyche?

If you find yourself feeling stressed ask yourself this question:

Am I doing everything for my highest good?

If the answer is no, It is a simple fix. Change what you are doing so that it meshes with how your positive belief is aligned.

Dissonance does not have to be a way of life.






It is a choice we make to live better and more joyously. And once we make that choice, we are so much stronger and courageous. After all, our life is worth it. Yes?

There is also living in heart-centric space. Click here for more information. When we are in this space we are no longer in dissonance.

How do you deal with signs of dissonance? How do you feel in dissonance?
Would love to hear your experience, Please leave comments below.

In peace and gratitude,

Founder, success-full-living.com, living one heart-centric moment at a time






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